3 Where’s My Beetlejuice?!

Cartoon World

When Lydia woke up for the day, it was her pretty standard day. She got ready for school, ate with her friends, and returned back home. She had a blast with Beetlejuice and then she went to sleep, ready for the next day.

That’s always how it had been, day by day. She never complained about it, or wanted anything more than that. She loved the way she lived. Hanging out with the Ghost with the Most was the most wicked fun ever.

But, something was different tonight. The lights to her room were actually flickering. “Beetlejuice.” Seriously, playing this late at night? He knew better. “You know I have school tomorrow.”

She didn’t see any change in the flickering, so she got out of bed. “Really? I was sleeping, I’m in my pajamas, this is ridiculous.” Hmph.

Then, she heard music. She thought it would be the music that Beetlejuice liked to dance to, usually calypso. Not so though. It was popular music coming through a wall. It wasn’t the latest beats that just came out, it was 1992, but it wasn’t even a decade old. Her parents weren’t big into 80’s music.

“Huh. Beetlejuice, is this a trick? I don’t get it.” She moved closer to her wall and looked at it. What was going on? “Beetlejuice.”

——————————————

Movie World

Hm. He didn’t come? She thought she called his name three times. She stopped hearing the sound from the wall.

She went to go lie back down in bed. Maybe she had said BJ once instead. She could easily say his name, but now that she could think more clearly and didn’t hear the sound? It probably didn’t need him. Maybe her parents were staying up later with the radio on? Whatever it was, it was off now.

It was fine.

Morning Sunday 6:30

Lydia rubbed her eyes and yawned as she went downstairs. She saw her mother making some kind of breakfast. “Hello, Mother.”

Her mom looked at her a second strangely then oddly smiled. “Well? Good morning, Lydia. Up early on a Sunday, aren’t you?”

“Sunday? Yesterday was Thursday, wasn’t it?” Lydia felt confused. She looked at the kitchen calender. “It is Sunday. I could have sworn I went to school yesterday.”

“No, it’s Sunday,” her mother said with less compassion now. She took the food she cooked, and left the room.

Okay. Usually her mom fixed extra for her too if she was present? Lydia went ahead and had some cereal. She continued to eat when her father came down for some coffee. “Good morning, Father.”

“Oh. Morning,” he said quickly as he grabbed his coffee and left.

In a hurry? On a Sunday. Lydia finished her breakfast and started to head upstairs. On her way, she saw two ghosts in her living room. They didn’t seem like the regular fair from the neitherworld. They almost looked alive. “Hello?”

“Hello, Lydia,” the female greeted her. “Nice to see you up on Sunday. Adam’s still sleeping, although he’s technically up.”

Lydia looked toward the other ghost. He was napping. “Okay? I don’t mean to be rude, but you can’t stay here.”

“Why, what’s wrong?” the woman asked as her mother came walking through the living room, and straight up the staircase.

Oh, they were invisible to regular people? “Nothing.” Lydia rolled her eyes. “Where’s Beetlejuice?” She watched as the ghost grabbed her mouth to silence her.

“Sh, sh, sh! Never say his name out loud,” the ghost whispered to her. “We don’t need him coming back.”

Why not? Lydia was starting to get confused. There were ghosts in her living room, and at least one acted like they knew her. “Yeah. Don’t . . . wanna do that.”

Lydia left the room and went straight to her bedroom. It looked a little different too, now that she looked closer. “Oh, what did he do this time?”

She moved toward the center of her room. “Though I know I should be weary, still I venture someplace scary. Ghostly haunting I turn loose. Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!”

She did the entire summoning to make sure she could get to the other side if he didn’t show up. But? There was no presentation. No red outfit. No nothing?

But, Beetlejuice did show up. Right next to her, with a half smirk and a confused expression at the same time? He looked around her room, like there was something interesting in it. “I don’t know what you want, but you already stiffed me once!” He just gawked at her. “Are you crazy?” He smiled. “If you are crazy, I can totally get behind that. I do crazy shit all the time.”

Huh? “Beej’, don’t cuss, that’s weird, and you aren’t making any sense,” Lydia insisted. “This whole day isn’t making sense. For one, when I got up, I went downstairs to see mother. She was making breakfast, but she didn’t make any for me. Which was weird, but what was even weirder is I swear I went to school yesterday. Mother says it’s Sunday today.”

“Uh huh.”

“Dad barely said hi to me this morning, he just grabbed coffee and headed out. On a Sunday.”

“Uh huh.”

“Then, if that isn’t weird enough, there’s some weird ghosts downstairs that are invisible to my parents,” she said. “Ghosts from the Neitherworld, Beej’. Why do I have two ghosts from the Neitherworld downstairs? And when I asked them about what you were doing with them, because they had to have come from you, one of them grabbed me, covered my mouth and said that I shouldn’t ever let you come out!” Ugh. “This whole day is frustration, so I want some answers. What’s going on?”

Beetlejuice didn’t seem to know how to take her for a second. “You know me, but not them? How well do you know me?”

“What is going on here?” Lydia didn’t know how to feel. “I’ve known you since I was a young teen. We practically see each other every day. I mean? I know your neighbors at the Roadhouse better than I know my neighbors here.” Surely he remembered her? “Obviously, you know me.”

“Y-yeah? Yeah, of course, Babe!”

She smiled. It was definitely him, only he would call her that. “I guess I scared you a little, BJ? I’m sorry. I’m just so confused.” She went to hug him. “If you don’t know the answer, maybe the answers in the Neitherworld?”

“Neitherworld?”

“If the answer isn’t here, it’s usually in the Neitherworld,” Lydia told him.

“You want me, to take you, to the world of the dead?” He rubbed his chin. “Kind of, backwards for what I need. But yeah, I can still make this work.”

“Then I’ll use the magic words again,” she said. “They didn’t work right last time, but a second time is worth a shot.” She let go of him and went to the middle of the rooms. “Although I know I should be weary, still I venture someplace scary. Ghostly hauntings I turn loose. Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!”

” . . . whatever the fuck that means, let’s go.”

———————————————

Neitherworld

So? Beetlejuice didn’t know if it was like a secret birthday gift or what but talk about some kind of luck. He felt a small bit of some kind of portal waning in her room before. She somehow slipped into another dimension.

She was from some weird dimension where they were nice friends, her parents showed her more affection, and above all? There was no Barbara or Adam, she had no idea about them!

Wherever she came from, she was stuck there now, so he’d make the best of the weird situation.

“This isn’t the Roadhouse.” Lydia poked around his front sidewalk. Beetles crawled out from beneath it. She grabbed one and looked at it without any fright. “Definitely the Neitherworld,” she chuckled. She turned toward him with a smile he didn’t even know. “Well? At least it is the Neitherworld.” The Beetle crawled along her hand. “Yeah, I’d definitely recognize these. They aren’t the ones near the Roadhouse though.”

Spin, spin, spin, brain! No Barbara or Adam, all he had to do was pull her parents over to that world to have them present to marry her. It’s almost too perfect. He didn’t have the Roadhouse yet, he had to wait for moving day and those things took forever, but at least he knew what she was expecting to keep up the charade if he needed to. He took the beetle that was crawling on her and crunched it like a candybar.

No disgust in her whatsoever. “A whole ten seconds of will power from stealing a beetle from me? New record, Beej’.”

Love the names. BJ and Beej. She could call him without screwing up and accidentally sending him back that way. “So what do I call ya, Doll?”

“Not doll,” she said like that sounded ridiculous. “You always call me Lyds or Babe mainly. Or, Lydia, since it is my name, BJ.”

“I seriously call you Babe?” No wonder he got away with that. “So, we like to play games?” His brain tried to keep spinning. He wanted to try something to secure her there, but it just didn’t look like she was trying to split anytime soon. I can make a much better plan now. No reason to hurry and mess this up. He started to fish in his pocket for the ring again.

He turned and saw her go back to the sidewalk and get another beetle. “You don’t need to fish to the ends of the Neitherworld to get another beetle.” She threw it towards him, and he eagerly popped it in his mouth like popcorn.

Nice. She was more than just a gullible idiot that could get him out to the real world for good. She was gonna be good wife material to keep. “Oh, yeah. It’s showtime.”

—————————————————

To say that Lydia was confused was an understatement. Beetlejuice had played some mean pranks before, but she really didn’t understand this one. When she asked why he brought her parents to the Neitherworld and why he was tying them up, and why he was getting a Neitherworld priest he just said that he was her friend, she had to trust him, and he’d tell her later.

Grr! While he did all that, at least he got in a nice tuxedo. Red and gruesome, just like him. He zapped her into a red wedding dress . . . and brought her straight to the priest by her side. “Beej, please, what is going on?”

“This is necessary,” he whined, “just listen to this guy and say I do.”

“Did you get into some legal Neitherworld trouble where you have to get married to get out of it?” Yep, there was that face. “I can’t believe this.” She groaned. “Fine, but be nicer to my parents.”

“Can’t let them disrupt it,” he pointed it. “Trust me, Babe.”

If she didn’t, she would just run. It wasn’t the first time BJ got her into a world of trouble. For now, she just had to trust him. Maybe this had something to do with the strange things that didn’t make sense? At least he was nice enough to dress up for the wedding. “Hot outfit Beej’, whatever you messed up on, promise you don’t do it again?”

“Uh, sure, I guess?” he kind of snorted.

Lydia looked at the red wedding dress as the priest continued. BJ looked edgy, but it only made sense. He even moved a couple of times, like he was thinking of trying something, but he never did. Then, the priest asked her the marriage question part. “I do.”

She watched as Beetlejuice looked around super anxiously as the very ending came. What was he expecting, Neitherworld police?

“I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.”

They didn’t need that last part. Oh wait?

——————————

He grabbed her and planted a deep kiss on her. When he looked at her, he just saw a really shocked expression.

She was blushing. Not fighting to get away, she was actually blushing. “I?” Her voice squealed. “Didn’t know we’d do that? Uh, sorry.” Now she struggled to be let loosened. He pulled her back up. “I? I don’t think I know what’s going on.”

“You got the basics you needed, Babe.” He poofed away her parents but kept him and her in the Neitherworld for just a bit longer. Wife. She actually stood there, and trusted him, and she was his wife. No more chains to his name three times.

“Right. Okay?” She was still blushing. “So, what kind of trouble did you get into?”

“Oh no, not me. You,” he said pointing at her. “You fell out of your own dimension somehow, and you just married a guy that you really don’t even know! Congrats on our new nuptials.”

“What?!” She was starting to freak out. “What do you mean, different dimension? Is that what’s going on? But, this marriage, what was this?”

“Marriage,” he said back. “I needed married to be free in your world without restrictions. Now I’m going to make a killing at my job.”

“But, what’s your job?”

“Killing. I mean getting rid of human pests.”

“But . . . you just married one.”

“Hey, they say the cure is worse than the disease,” he answered. “No problems, Honey, I’m legal to go over there as long as you stay alive. That’s a pretty good deal.”

“Don’t call me Honey!” She yelled at him. “Where’s my Beetlejuice?!”